its been a while since the last blog i posted about the Birth of Christ.
somehow , i just paid my internet at the mid month of jan without compensating my half month that i lose..
it was due to my ENT(ear, nose, throat) exam that i decided to spare a two weeks without the net.
but somehow i do online via mobile. and have a peep on my FB account with the generous heart of my hommie.. ms. V....
anyway.. its a long awaiting new year wish..
Happy New Year 2010...
i recalled it was 2000. so much of speculation of Y2K bug... so many things turn up.
within this 10 years, many thing had changed as well..
either for better or worse.. I admit it. I lose some beloved.. But there is so much tragic happen within this decade. 9/11, Tsunami, mr.Barrack O, Dr. M giving up his ruling, JP 2 died, what else....the Mardoff's Scandal, MJ's RIP, economy crisis.... some more... n more...
within this 10 years, so much of idealogy has come to its term.
i still recall it was in form 2, in 2000, fighting to fit in with my punk hair style. n trying so hard to be the corporal for PBSM...whatever u call it. having a rush crush on this one cute guy... who so gud enuf offer up his KIT KAT to me during our journey to Tenom.
learning swimming. going for swimming course wid my buddy, SYL.. having to realized that it was a kiddos swimming session age 4 to 8 years old n we are the two big kakak... in that children pool..
passing my PMR, SPM... n was the first guinea pig batch.. undergo this . they said its a way to instill nationalism, unity , multi-racial n bla bla bla.. yah rite.. its rude if i said @KISS MY ASS@ it never reach that goal .. its only a waste of money... it cost approximately rm8K for one participant... anyhow, there is where i learn that BIDAYUH guys r hot.. hahahaha.. i got a crush on one sweet, not said holy but he have it all...mr.E.. but only for 3 months.. somehow the NS camp, does bring me a realization.. there is no better place like home.. i though that i wont be homesick... but i was.. missing my mom's early morning lecture, her terjun style cooking, missing fighting wid MUTANT my bro etc... missing every thing at home that i never realize to appreciate it greatly.
in 2004, i got a matriculation entrance, time passes so fast n soon. u go lectures, staying in hostel.. Labuan is heaven for chocolate n liquer lover... save the liquer part.. i indulge so much over the chocolates. It turning me to a FAT mig for just 3 months... trust me 8 kg.. every time holiday , i just can finish giant size peanut Cadbury n having the sofa as my throne of SLOTH... to my realization, i have triple chin growing ... have a hot flame over this one guy again.. damn it.. i wish i wasnt have feeling...
finish matrics.. and never come to my mind that i will ever step out to study in OVERSEA...
m not a supersmart student.. i lose my hope to be a Doc, after a dissapointment on my 1st sem pointer that never qualify me for a place in any of the medical school.. I fill up for chemical engineering course n I got it.
somehow, i was send to KURSK.. this humble place to pursue my dream..
still i m questioning my own reverie, is this possible. Huh? I need a slap to let me fill the pain that actually i becoming a doctor... not in malaysia.. but in russia.. to my amazement , it was simply an answer prayer.. from both my mom n dad... n from me in the midst of lossing hope... i wrote a simple letter to God... OF COZ I HAVE NO WAY TO MAIL it... its just a letter of complain telling Him that how i wish.. if there is a hope...
n there He ANSWER... my prayer.. till to these day.. m not a holy but all i can say is @ DEI GRACIE@
so that how my beginning of KURSK chapter... its a long story..
first year.. 2005/06. everything is new..the term autumn, winter spring summer... come to my familiarity...
big money in the hand... come to know rubble, dong, usd, euro...
having to fight with my inferiority complex and ego, struggling n challengin, trying hard to strive for 5 and 4..
knowing the meaning of @daily control@.. still studying the same thing bio, chem, physic.. except the new medical subject anatomy and latin...
year later, proceed to 2nd year... physiology, biochem , microb ...
its an intresting subject... still daily control have to go true... ..
2nd year was a year that i learn to human body is one heck of complex...
3rd year... this is one big year.. so much to study, so much to cramp...
so much of conflicts, so much of rage and anger...so much of pride n unresolve stuffs..
much to my perception, i dont blame the surrounding... i blame me but the anger n preassure i show it sharply n fail to realize that it hurt some1... i m sorry to this particular person, S... all i wanted her to know is I K, and I envied, i m merely human.. i have felling except that so much i tried to hide n act as if its Ok..it never come out a word of SORRY from each of us.. pride is holding us hard...but for now, it is fine between us... somehow i consider its as a maturation of relationship between her n i... N for friends... that was there to hold on, who lend me their shoulder in time of crisis... a big thanks for them... i was so fragile that moment, having the cracking line .... but i didnt break .. becoz i have friends.. that is there to hold on.. Thx.. dear friend that lend me their shoulder to tears... N thx to Dei.. FOR having me to trough this gravel path...
4th year.2008/09. here i cum, a transition of my study life, i move to apartment, i study lazier, enlarge my social encounter, i go aerobic, i m back to club... n i go to the hospital almost every day....
something are still the same... the good remain good.. but there are good thing turning bad... i lose a portion of my holiness... i m no more holy.. but what is in me.. is a spiritual fighting itself...becoz there are some quarter of my life where i m giving up n stop praying ... it was a struggle.. so hard... the world shout louder than the gentle sound of God...going to church confessing the same sin ... almost every week... to the end.. i skip masses...God was only useful to me during EXAM....
indeed... i bet someone was praying harder for me... whoever is that person i said thax.. my spiritual fight is a maturation of fight i suppose... it actually teaching me.. what to perceived according the the mind of Dei.
It is a big step to take.. sometime u cannot be intermediate ... i always in a crossroad of everything .. weighing good and bad... are equal the indulgence was long but deep in me was a greater longing for Dei... i TRUDGE from bad to good.... and via versa...
the good thing of being an intermediate .. standing in the crossroad.. is that u are acceptable in every way... either its of liberal or conservative... both side know u well. but the bad thing is that,... at the end of the day u lose ur goal... when everyone is in the forward direction... u still remain standing in that crossroad... n u will never grow...and to my mind, u will absolutely have a nil result.. becoz no goal, no effort no achievement....
i tired n mlas ready...
to be continue lah... someday.. i have tonne of time during this oliday....
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