i miss my moing....

its been  year.. U leave us..
Moing, I have lots to say.. but one word is that I MISS U.
Coming back last summer was different compare to all the other years.
You Dissappear in the Midst of  time and space.
I tried to be cool acting like its OK.. wearing the mask of JOVIAL heart
but my heart is weeping.. while looking at ur dolorous event.
i am angry, why you didn't gave me the chance to say GOODBYE...
Should I be grateful to God, where He allowed me to  saved my DRAMA OF EMOTION to myself..
I know, every time i come back for holiday, its not like I spent so much time with You..
but simply when you are around. it make things go nicely.. my mom have her gossip partner, i have you to back up in case of danger state, telling you the whole experiences of being bullied by the russian...
my last summer with you, didnt even gave me a warning that this might be my last time to see you get agitated with the violent character on the drama series..
its true as it have written, it come and rob you without giving you a SIGN
I recall in my younger days, you cooked sambal ikan bilis with a lots of onions... this is the only way i learn how to eat my portion of onion.You did it out of  LOVE, even cripple on ur wheelchair... U still insist to do all our favorite cuisine.
You pampered me very well.. it dont have to be so luxurious but it simply touch my heart when i recall it now and then.
We do have pride as human, sometime i think my  EGO, is inherited from you..
we had few arguements, we don't talk.. we don't see each other.. but deep down how we wish we can break this chain that became the boundry between us.
It make me smile, when i recall coming to you for some financial support..."moing, hutang rm5, rm10 sia mo p jalan2"... and u said " jangan lupa bayar.. if not i masuk buku 555" from your little shop
demand increase gradually ... as year pass..

 its true u taugh us what You OWE, You ought to RETURN it...
Blessing in Disguise, Nursing you during the tough time have been a bit of inspiration to what i'm today..
Even on ur wheelchair, U find things to ease ur pain by doing ur mini sundry shop...
At least U said, it will draw my mind away for once from this suffering. to lighten my burden by being occupy with all the sundry shop matter...MY LITTLE THERAPY BAH THIS .. u said...
A lot of funny and stupid stories being told...it sound LAME, i admit.. but it enough for us grandchildren.. to recall the little jokes from MOING TONDU...
All your grandchildren. have taste ur generous heart.. not much is given but the heart that is giving COUNT...
67 years of living, u had taste the worst and the best.. the sweet and the Bitter...
the joy and suffering..
sometime I still wonder why didnt you stay longer...
but somehow my bro told me, be grateful " Moing is freed from her worldly suffering"
Now... wherever you be after death, either a few steps toward the glory of God..or maybe in a place where we call PURGATORY.. somewhere for clearance..

 the little gift all i can offer UP is a prayer...
What else more greater beside a hopeful prayer.. for the departed Love one...
Till one day I believed You be among the saints watching us down.. looking at my cycle in turning mother to a super cool granny like u...
till one day we meet again in His KINGDOM...



in loving memory of LILY LOILIN GANAI..
one year have pass.. but ur fragrance of beauty still living among us....

Revelation 14:13
And I heard a voice from heaven saying, “Write this down: Blessed are those who die in the Lord from now on. Yes, says the Spirit, they are blessed indeed, for they will rest from their hard work; for their good deeds follow them!”

Dear Lord, 
its been a while. there is a song one moment without u, its like a hundreds years away .
But, its been more than a moment.
I just run out of  focus on You.
I want to ask You to forgive, but I never Repent.. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENT..
I keep on telling You, I'm tired. I need rest..Apparently its been like i been resting but still feeling tired.
Sometime I just want to yield at You. To tell You, I am exhausted with my Life.
I am BORED..
Its true I'M LUKEWARM.. neither am i cold or hot.
And in this realm, it is so cushy.
But to my accomplishment, its actually equal to nonfullfilment.
Sometime, I just be thankful that i did stray from You.
 Becoz the path that lead me to stray, seem enjoying.. i dont have much thing to give up..
Beside GIVING UP You..
though I keep on reminding myself that i didnt really gave You up...
Somehow, You are faithful God. It wont matter much...

The cross is the prove... WHO CARES SO MUCH...
my honest part, i call u, u answer, i ask u, u reply,  i knock, u never fail to open ...
 SO WHAT.. as it had been...  FAITH MANIPULATION
its doesnt matter... and this mould me to what I'm NOW..
I CAN SAY I M PRETTY ok... with this state..
but indeed.. some part of me yearning for You..
I dont know what to ask from You... NOW
there is so many things...

i call it NEEDS n DESIRES.
i get angry like a little boy, who get nothing when he asked for it..
and sprawling on the floor crying..
This is me.. And forget it later.. and carry on my lukewarm way..
Lord, I am tired of having the moment without You..
My pride ruling me: ITS OK.. it be Fine..
But Lord.. I do have everything.. But i find it Hard to breath with this artificial aid..
So difficult, to go trough so many medium before it reach to me.. it almost finish the real nutrients i need,
I need a real true precise Breath that come DIRECTLY from U.
Lord, am begging YOU.. PLEASE BRING ME BACK TO U...
like the Prodigal Child... I lose all Your properties.. I sold it out ... I enjoyed more than enough..
And now I'm an OUTCAST to my own Land...
I dont even know How to get back to YOU... and if I do.. Before I be able to reach Your door step.. i run stray again...
I admit I'm so weak in flesh..
Please HELP, Lord... TO GET BACK TO U..

IN YOUR NAME CHRIST...

AMEN

the prodigal""

  

Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 

temptation .... of the little basket

M writing this, becoz i m tempted to have the little basket.

EVERYONE have it.. its not a necessity but from the outer look.

I'm flabbergasted with it passion.. so appetence, so engaging..

its like calling me.. have it! have it! It stroke soothingly ..

And i became so limp, fall to my knee and here i'm giving a chance for myself to fall..

What was in the basket, its not looking so favorable as it seem like outside the basket...

and i m regretting it by now...

its turning to temptation of the werewolf....

P.S. temptation of the werewolf will cum out soon..

Life: what can u expect from it...
Everyone, is whining over life.
Sometime it seem to be sweet, it should be sweet. But come to my mind, why there is tear along the road side.
I wanted to complain everything bout it, but at the end something struck me .. n it really goes deep.

The path of life lead upward for the wise to keep him from going down to grave.
PROVERBS 15:24

This verse really did knock my head a bit.
Huh.. wisdom yah! from where can i get it.
again another wisdom needed for my curiosity.

MAN OF WISDOM WILL BECOME THE GREATEST MAN WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE BUT WITH OTHERS ACKNOWLEDGEMENT.

Sometime life is just like a long road its either u run, u walk, u taking a drive or ride... ur destination is uncertainty.

Maybe it will lead u to a smooth highway, a rocky mountain.. whatever is the destination.. put ur faith in God...

in Him... THERE IS CERTAINTY.

FRIENDS...

I recall during my younger days, one of the special quote will be leave on my friends autographs is this...

Roses are Red,

The Skies are Blue,

I have a friend,

My friend is You.

It sound simple, but its a word that affirming we are grateful to have been grown in the bud of friends. Sometime it make me ponder, who is my best friend... Nah, i dont have a best friend.. maybe the BIG MAN ABOVE...

I am not the kind of person will be bother much about people around me...

But as I reflect, i do have few of them.. Thank God for that.

In the process of growing we need friends to build, to challenge, to argue, to hang out, to support us... We need friends to fill up the vacant space in our heart.

To all my friends, Thanks .. for being one...

Am not perfect, running a race of perfection....

Therefore, forgive me for my flaws...

As for friend that built me up, everyday i am turning to the person of who i'm ... for better or worst..opting for the best... A word of thankx...

For friend that been a challenge for me, i am ever proud to run the match with you.. becouse its telling me they is sumone better than me,

sound simple but hard to accomplish

 Don't sit like a taxi with your meter running waiting for a man to call you. Do I have to make you sign a blood oath? Every minute you sit at home waiting for Mr. Indifferent to call you loses you the opportunity at finding a man that is totally into you and will make you feel like the amazing woman that you are.

Draw Me Nearer...

Draw me nearer, Nearer to U..

When things around me have its up n down, when i been pin pointing u for all the stumble stone in my life, when i have reach my dead end, where there leave only wall , and all wall surround me, when it take the space of mine, when i start feeling suffocate, 

I lay my pride down, shouting back to U, CALLING U, 

Help me... i m sinking deep , don't let me drown death alone in these wall where air is absent, becoz as i ponder back, U r the source of air i breath....

Draw me back, Pick me up, This is not the first time or second or fifth time, but look not upon what i done but help me when i m helpless...